I FINALLY QUIT MY JOB TO TRAVEL THE WORLD

H O L Y  S H I T ! !!!!!!!!!!

I can’t even begin to describe what the actual fuck is going through my head right now and excuse the informality but I’m an actual mess. Just assume that whenever I’m not reviewing a festival or talking about an incredible new adventure, I’m trying to project my thoughts in the form of word vomit because these are the memories I want to look back on one day and I want them to be authentic af and also because this is my website and I’ll write whatever the fuck I want : )

 

Tonight was my last ever shift at work and while I thought this would be one of the happiest days of my life, I’ve never felt so scared. I walked out of those doors at 11.30pm for the last time with tears rolling down my face because this officially ended this chapter of my life. Most people probably think I’m an idiot for making such a big deal over this so let me just elaborate on how stupidly important this job was to me…

 

I started this job when I was 15 years old. I was shy as hell and never spoke a word or stepped out of line because I was too scared of not being good enough and letting people down. I’ve tried to move on a couple of times but kept coming back because it was close to home and paid surprisingly well for what it was. Even to this day, I have anxiety talking about what I do because I always describe it as ‘not a real job’ but at the end of the day, it has taken me to over 50 music festivals and almost 30 countries all around the world so it’s definitely something.

 

The more I think about it, the more I question whether or not I made the right decision. Am I crazy for giving up something so secure? My boss loved me, it paid ridiculously well for a job that requires basically zero experience and I could literally roll out of bed 2 minutes before my shift started and still rock up on time. It was super easy to balance with uni and I could take time off whenever I wanted and always come back to a job … that’s every traveller/raver’s dream right?!

 

THIS JOB …. was so mentally and physically exhausting. As someone who suffers from crippling anxiety, you can only imagine how draining it is to deal with complete idiots on a daily basis. Customer complaints kept me up at night. Things I could’ve said or done differently run through my mind constantly. Drawing the line between being in charge and being included was so incredibly difficult, and knowing that I made my workers cry still eats away at my mind. There were times where I had to work over 70 hours in a week, where I had to balance uni and skating and video editing and somehow still come out on top. I have a reputation of using up all the bandaids in the first aid kit because I get cuts and burns at least three times a day. I forced myself to live up to the ridiculously high expectations and demands of the people above me in fear of being fired, only to have my hard work go unrecognised, but the tiny things I missed, be blown up in my face. And for some reason, I never gave up because I knew in the end, it would be worth it.

 

Tonight, one of my workers came in with a gift and a card which honestly made me cry and reassured me that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be…

 

“Thank you for everything you did for me. Growing up, I didn’t have anyone to look up to…

You taught me not to give a damn about what people think about me, to always follow my passion no matter what and that with hard work, you can have everything you can imagine.  The way you lead your life inspires me to live my life the best possible way I can. You hold the characteristics I wish to have one day; intelligent, pretty, funny and lit as hell.”

 

I’ve been at this place for 7 years and even though it has been absolutely fucking mental, it has been the one thing in my life that has remained the same, even when everything else around me was changing and knowing that I made such an impact makes it even harder to let go…

 

I started out sharing my life online with complete strangers as a way to express my true self in a place where people would accept me for who I am but what I got, was confidence in the fact that I’m actually not the piece of shit that I think I am. Once I  figured out how to make myself happy, I found joy in making others happy and knowing that I inspire people to work hard towards their goals and live their best life honestly blows my mind. I’ve always seen that quote floating around on the internet about being the person you needed when you were younger and it wasn’t until I received this card, that I realised that I am that person… and that’s pretty fucking cool!

 

 

I’ve never been so scared for the future. Everything I’ve ever known has come to an end and I’m about to go into 2018 with a fresh start and a chance to impact more people than ever before. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and somehow, everything just fell into place this year so that I could make my dream a reality. I have no idea what the future holds but I know that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be and I am ready.